Stress!

I have had the most stressful week in my entire life. Due to unfortunate timing, I was involved in three concerts (two of which required multiple rehearsals) and had two tests, plus a two-day dance workshop. The stress and exhaustion actually made me feel physically ill.

It made me wonder if any of this was worth it. Year 12 is built up as the most important year of your life, but in about two years I won't even care what my results were. I've had all this work piled onto me for one bit of paper which, in the grand scheme of things, doesn't matter a whole lot.

Also, most of the things I've learned this year I'll probably never use again, since I'll probably end up studying music. When would I ever use matrices, calculus or integration? Why would I ever need to know about redox reactions? Why do I need to be able to write analytical essays about depressing novels?

So I've asked myself, why have a put myself through this torture?

Okay, so if I dropped out of school, or I fail Year 12, I won't get into the university course I want... unless I wait a few years and enter as a mature-aged student. So that's not the reason.

I think there are lots of reasons I'm still here. One of them is that all my friends are here, and I didn't want to miss out on our last year together. Next year I won't see them nearly as often.

When it comes down to it, though, the main reason is that I didn't want to quit. I'm an over-achiever. I needed to prove that I could tough it out, and get good marks like other people.

I guess it doesn't make much sense. I'm in this for the moment of satisfaction I'll get when I open the results envelope in December? For the certificate I'll get? When you put it like that, I don't really understand it.

I think it's mostly about the fact that Year 12 is a challenge, and I could never, ever have turned that challenge down.


Quote of the day:
"Today, I figured out why my computer works better than me. It gets more sleep. MLIA."


Also, a very happy eighteenth birthday to my friend Kat!

What to do when you should be doing something else

Rozzy needs to post something. Actually, Rozzy should be studying, but hey who cares. What should Rozzy write about? Procrastinating!

In my opinion, procrastinating is healthy once in a while... probably not as often I do it, but oh well. Anyway, leaving things undone and just taking a break is something we all need to learn to do every so often, especially if we are COMPLETELY STRESSED OUT like most of the Year 12s I know (including me).

So how do you procrastinate?

Presenting... Rozzy's Ultimate Guide to Wasting Time!

1. Make a list of things you need to do.
2. Put it away so you don't feel too guilty when you don't do these things.
3. Hop on the net and check your emails. If they're important, don't reply.
4. Go to MLIA. If you need it, there are about 500 pages of hilarious and average things to read about.
5. Go to LunchTimers. This one's especially good if you don't want to think too much. Play simple flash games with strangers and waste time.
6. Watch A Very Potter Musical, even if you've seen it before. If that's not enough, download the free soundtrack.
7. Watch Little White Lie, which is an excellent webseries also by Starkid.
8. If you've had enough of web-based procrastination, try reading a book you've read a hundred times before like, say... Harry Potter. There are lots of them to take up your time.
9. Have a nice, long shower, especially if the weather is hot (like it is here). Unless you have water restrictions, in which case you should go and stare wistfully at the shower.
10. Read blogs with no real purpose, like this one.

EDIT: So I took my own advice and had a nice long shower, and in the process remembered some of my favourite procrastination techniques that I somehow managed to forget.

11. Watch a whole series of your favourite TV show on DVD. (I like watching Scrubs)
12. Read fanfiction, preferably of the really crappy "omg plz review my first fanfic i luv u guys so much i wont spell anything properly!" variety, so you can laugh at it.
13. Rearrange your bookcase so your books are in alphabetical order by author. (Yes, I actually do this sometimes.)
14. Watch informercials (only for the REALLY desperate).

Post your other time-wasting ideas in the comments!

Rozzy Rozzy Rozzy...

So I thought I should introduce myself properly...

I'm a 17-year-old Year 12 student from Darwin, Australia. (For those of you who don't know, Darwin is up in the tropics, right under Indonesia. Right now it is really really humid and I wish it would rain already. Lembab sekali!) I enjoy music, Irish dancing, spending time with my gorgeous friends and crazy internet fads. I am a Christian, but I don't think that will come into this blog too much - maybe just the occasional quasi-philosophical brain fart. Also I did Indonesian at school until last year, so if I randomly break out into Indo, just ignore me.

If you're wondering about my name: no, it is not my real name (duh), it's a nickname given to me by a couple of friends. In fact, the name of this blog came from another nickname, Stork (I'm 5'10").

If you'd like to find a blog from someone who's crazier than I am, check out my friend M's.

A few random questions that I stole from M's blog:


What is your occupation? Student and Irish dancing teacher (I'm not qualified or anything, I just help out and do choreography and stuff).

What colour are your socks right now? Are you crazy? It's the Build-Up in Darwin! Having said that, the socks I wore to school today were white and purple.

What are you listening to right now? Granger Danger from A Very Potter Musical (yes, I am obsessed, but hey it's good stuff!)

Can you drive a shift stick? If that means a manual, yes I can, but not very well (I've been very lazy and, even though I got my L's 18 months ago, I've driven a grand total of four times).

Last person you spoke to on the phone? Probably M... it usually is :)

How old are you today? What, is it my birthday or something? Lol. I'm 17.

What is your favourite drink? Lemon lime and bitters.

Have you ever dyed your hair? No, but I'm thinking that might be one of my "OMG I'm at uni" freakout things.

Favourite food? Pavlova (yumyumyum)

What is the last movie that you watched? Apollo 13... I don't really know why, we just randomly watched it. The one before that was Peter Pan (awesome).

How do you vent anger? I don't really know... I like M's idea of killing off Sims based on people that annoy me. I need to try that.

What is your favourite season? The wet season is awesome! For all of you who have been deprived of living in the tropics, I choose winter (rugging up is novel for me).

Eye colour? Grey (very boring).

Hair colour? Brown

Height? Too tall haha... about 5'10". I really should know what that is in cm, seeing as we don't use imperial here in Australia, but I don't.

Finally, the eternal question that I added for the hell of it:
Harry Potter or Twilight? I actually really like both of them (I know, sacreligious much?) but Harry Potter always wins.

Sudah!
...That means finished :)



Quote of the day:
"Today in my dorm room the doorbell rang. Sitting outside the door was a box labeled 'A present from your friends in room 201'. I opened it and a guy popped out, gave me a high five and ran off down the hallway. MLIA."

Have you heard of Pigfarts?

Time for a shameless plug, methinks. If you don't know who StarKid are, you need to find out. They have not only created a masterpiece from a masterpiece, but they have also injected new enthusiasm into a waning fandom.

What am I talking about? A Very Potter Musical, of course.

Imagine this. It's the first weekend of the mid-year holidays. I've promised myself that I will have a well-earned break from school before tackling the mountain of work I have to do. Sounds good in theory, but two days in and I'm incredibly bored. I find myself on Harry Potter fansites I haven't visited in years. What do I find? A link to HP the Musical, which someone has just uploaded onto Youtube.

My first thought? This is probably going to be crap.

I'm desperate for something to do, so I click the link and am swept up in the world of a very different kind of Hogwarts, where Dumbledore loves High School Musical, Malfoy wants to go to Pigfarts, Voldemort is sexy (and just wants to dance again) and Ron is a chocaholic. Well that can only lead to disaster and hilarity!

Seriously, I've been quoting this for months. I've been cracking up at really inappropriate moments, I've had the song "Granger Danger" stuck in my head for about six weeks straight, and people often go, "Oh, she's going on about that stupid musical again." It is absolutely addictive.

I'm not the only one either; one look at the StarKidPotter Facebook page will tell you how much this has taken fandom by a storm. The first video got 200,000 hits within two days. Within a week there was even fanart.

There have been a few hitches along the way. The entire musical was taken off Youtube after two days due to copyright issues, although it was eventually reposted with its new name and all the dirty jokes edited out (which I was very sad about - one of the pivotal jokes now doesn't make sense, and we are now deprived of hearing Ron's reply of "It wasn't me, I swear!" to Hermione's "Someone's coming!"). But with material this good, the StarKidPotter crew can afford to do anything.

And despite this, one of the most impressive parts of this whole bonanza is the way the StarKid crew have taken their popularity into their stride. The group has let their fans know what is going on every step of the way, has posted behind-scenes-footage, has appeared at Potter conventions, has uploaded the soundtrack for free download and have on the whole been both caring and humble.

Don't just take my word for it. Go and check it out yourself. I can guarantee you, between the flawless writing, the excellent songs, the hilarious jokes and Voldemort's abs, everyone can find something to enjoy.

*Voldemort out, bitches!*

A moment to remember

Okay, so I don't expect that I'll usually be posting every single day, but I couldn't let this day go by without writing something. Let's take a moment to consider the enormity of what happened on September 11 eight years ago.

That day stands out clearly in my memory, even though I was only nine years old at the time. I remember emerging from my bedroom in the morning to find my dad watching television, which was unusual. (I definitely remember it being a Tuesday, but because of the time difference, it was actually Wednesday the 12th... hey, don't you sometimes remember things that never actually happened?) There were people on the TV running around, covered in dust. I remember thinking there had been an earthquake in some third-world country, and being surprised when they spoke with American accents. (I don't know why I made this assumption - you'll have to ask my nine-year-old self.)

I think I eventually had to ask my dad what was going on. He told me that people had flown planes into buildings in New York.

"But why? Wouldn't they have died?" I asked.

I'd never been exposed to something as horrific as suicide bombings before that. I couldn't believe that people would kill themselves to kill thousands of others; it didn't compute in my young brain. Now I come to think of it, it still doesn't.

I went to school as usual, and everyone was buzzing with the news. Kids in my class were discussing Al Qaeda and Osama bin Ladin. I didn't know what they were talking about.

When you think about it, it's surprising that September 11 affected me so much. After all, it didn't even happen in my own country. It shows how much of a global community we really live in.

Did September 11 change me? I guess it must have; it changed everyone. It was one of the first times I was exposed to the true tragedy of humankind. It must have removed some of my innocence, and my naivety. However, I think the real way that September 11 affected me was the way it changed the world around me. Though I can't really remember it, the world was a different place before that day - nowadays, things like airport security and anti-terrorism laws affect our everyday lives. Tensions between Muslims and others have increased a hundredfold. Sometimes these tensions spark violence, like that seen at Cronulla a few years ago; everyone of middle-eastern heritage is considered suspicious by somebody. Now, people are terrified.

For my major English essay this year, I studied a book called Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. The novel chronicles the struggles of a young boy to find truth in the trauma of 9/11, in which is father is killed. In a way, this book showed me how lucky I have been; like everyone, I was affected by this catastrophe, but I was detached from the violence. I wasn't there when the buildings fell down. I didn't know anyone who died. My life wasn't shattered by the tragedy. This book scared me a little bit, because Oskar is only nine years old - the same age I was at the time of September 11. I can't imagine how I would have coped if it had been my father who was killed.

Another thing this book has taught me, though, is that we can't spend our lives being afraid. Oskar, whose family has been torn apart, lives in constant fear of death. He refuses to travel on public transport, because it is an "obvious target". One of the most poignant lines in the novel for me is when Oskar explains why he wants coffee: "Coffee stunts my growth, and I'm afraid of death." He never really gets over his father's death, and instead chooses to wallow in his grief. It's incredibly sad that, after everything Oskar has been through, he never gets to live again.

If 9/11 had taught me anything, it's that we need to learn how to overcome a tragedy like that. Pain and suffering isn't just going to go away one day. In times of sorrow, we need to remember how to live.

*

I couldn't publish this without mentioning the other milestone that has passed today - my last exam is now exactly two months away. Sweet freedom is approaching!

Also, I have to point out how much that post started to sound like my English essay. It even had quotations in it. God save me.

Beginning

Today I’ve finally done it. I’ve taken that first step. I’ve created a blog.

And okay, that might not sound like much to you, but I am a classic procrastinator – in fact, it could be argued that the only reason I’m even doing this is because I’m avoiding what really needs to be done, which is study. My Year 12 exams are approaching with alarming speed. But despite this, I am stepping back from the endless stream of homework, and finally doing what I always said I would do: expressing myself to a bunch of strangers.

…Wait, what?

In the last half an hour, while I’ve been trying to think of something to write, I’ve questioned my own motives for this blog. What do I hope to achieve? Why am I opening myself up like this? Why do I think that total strangers will appreciate anything that I write?

Answering these questions has been difficult. Writing is something I have always enjoyed, and is a medium I have always used as an escape. I’ve lost count of the number of times I have found myself on this computer, losing myself in the worlds of my characters, while the pile of assignments and revision grows ever more precarious. However, I have always limited myself to the fictional, creating new lives and places to get out of my own. This journey, where I hope to record my own life and experiences, seems infinitely more personal, and more intimidating.

After all, how much more vulnerable can I make myself than by expressing my innermost thoughts and feelings? By laying out my life to the scrutiny of others, am I setting myself up for disappointment and hurt?

I guess I’m hoping that I will find this expression empowering, rather than overwhelming.

I’m still not quite sure why I’ve chosen this ordinary Thursday evening to get this show off the ground. I remember thinking all the way back in January that I wanted to write about my life as a final year high school student, to express my stress and frustration, and to have a record of the highlights. I’ve been planning to start this blog for nearly nine months, so why tonight? I don’t think I can answer that question.

I can, however, say this: I honestly want to make a good go of this. I am notoriously bad at keeping promises to myself, but I have promised myself tonight that I will update this blog… well, if not regularly, then at least every so often, as I approach a new phase in my life. It’s not going to be easy, but I hope that with the support of my readers, I will be able to stick at this for at least awhile.

Which brings me to my last question – can I really expect people to read this?

I guess that’s a risk I have to take. I’ve stepped out into the open, making myself vulnerable to both your support, and your criticism. Now I just have to wait and see which one you will choose.