Beginning

Today I’ve finally done it. I’ve taken that first step. I’ve created a blog.

And okay, that might not sound like much to you, but I am a classic procrastinator – in fact, it could be argued that the only reason I’m even doing this is because I’m avoiding what really needs to be done, which is study. My Year 12 exams are approaching with alarming speed. But despite this, I am stepping back from the endless stream of homework, and finally doing what I always said I would do: expressing myself to a bunch of strangers.

…Wait, what?

In the last half an hour, while I’ve been trying to think of something to write, I’ve questioned my own motives for this blog. What do I hope to achieve? Why am I opening myself up like this? Why do I think that total strangers will appreciate anything that I write?

Answering these questions has been difficult. Writing is something I have always enjoyed, and is a medium I have always used as an escape. I’ve lost count of the number of times I have found myself on this computer, losing myself in the worlds of my characters, while the pile of assignments and revision grows ever more precarious. However, I have always limited myself to the fictional, creating new lives and places to get out of my own. This journey, where I hope to record my own life and experiences, seems infinitely more personal, and more intimidating.

After all, how much more vulnerable can I make myself than by expressing my innermost thoughts and feelings? By laying out my life to the scrutiny of others, am I setting myself up for disappointment and hurt?

I guess I’m hoping that I will find this expression empowering, rather than overwhelming.

I’m still not quite sure why I’ve chosen this ordinary Thursday evening to get this show off the ground. I remember thinking all the way back in January that I wanted to write about my life as a final year high school student, to express my stress and frustration, and to have a record of the highlights. I’ve been planning to start this blog for nearly nine months, so why tonight? I don’t think I can answer that question.

I can, however, say this: I honestly want to make a good go of this. I am notoriously bad at keeping promises to myself, but I have promised myself tonight that I will update this blog… well, if not regularly, then at least every so often, as I approach a new phase in my life. It’s not going to be easy, but I hope that with the support of my readers, I will be able to stick at this for at least awhile.

Which brings me to my last question – can I really expect people to read this?

I guess that’s a risk I have to take. I’ve stepped out into the open, making myself vulnerable to both your support, and your criticism. Now I just have to wait and see which one you will choose.